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Date posted: 06-12-02

by Sheresa Jenkins


Here at Harlem Live we like to add flavor to whatever it is we do. So we've decided every month to give you what we like to call "The Low-down". What's The Low-down? They're reality horoscopes, not some fictional fable to make you feel good about yourself. I'm not here to be your friend but to let you know what bad things can happen cause they WILL happen.

March 21- April 19

How are things going in school? Crappy! And you know why? Cause you've been conning your way through classes.By the way when's the last time you've been to class? Yeah, don't act like I'm lying you know you don't go to class. And Ms.Thing who is that nappy headed little boy you walking around with. You know your mom got her personal spies out and let me tell you Mrs. Johnson saw your little nasty butt behind the bodega on the corner. And you Sr. you know that girl only has a future as a video hoe, so MOVE ON!!!!!!! The moral of this story get yourself together, nobody is going to want to support a loser!!

April 20-May 20

So you feel the way out of all your problems is to lie??? All I have to say about that is, it's about time you figured that out. You and I both know that you weren't going to get through that telling the truth did u? But even though stretching the truth comes in handy lying to your boss just to get out of work will not work for you all the time. And another thing your birthday is going to be the worst day of your life. From Sunrise till Sunset things are going to unravel like you've never expected. Besides, why should things go good you've been lying your way through life haven't you? All I have to say is what goes around comes around.

May 21- June 21

Carpe Diem!! Seize The Day!! Something you wouldn't think about cause you're so damn lazy. You won't get out the bed to pull down the shades in the morning so you'd just pull the sheet over your head. And another thing, YOU STINK!!!! Take a shower. Nah, you know I'm just playing but seriously at least do your laundry. You know how people say, "You're the bud of every joke"?? For you it's "You're the bud of every lie", almost every rumor we know is spoken from your lips. When is are you going learn to mind your damn business? You need to learn individuality maybe some confinement in a state correctional facility will do you some good, cause with all your lying that's exactly where you're headed.
June 22-July 22

Cancer you're going to like this one, I've got one thing and one thing only to talk to you about. If you continue to piss away your money and treat people like your personal slaves. You are no doubt going to be homeless as well as lonely. So my advice to you is to perform a quick self-evaluation before you end up broke and depressed.
July 23-August 22

Okay so what's with the spotlight???? You are not Will Smith and you are definitely no Denzel Washington. So PLEASE stop acting as if you are God's gift to the world! First off- you seem cool but having a conversation with you is like being tortured with a hot poker stick. And if it seems like everyone is always watching you, it's true! I can't tell you why cause I've never found Leo's to be much of fascinating visual artwork. In other words, I'd much rather look at a baboons butt then stare at you. And this ego trip you have going like you're king of the world?? LOSE IT QUICKLY!!!!! It's one thing to be sure of your self but your cockiness isn't anyone's envy.
August 23- September 22

Your possessive ways are not cool. Although they say if you're persistent in what u want good things will come, you're taking it too far. If you keep that pace you'll have everyone you love pissed off at you. Your pestering is become bigger than you think. To you its cute, to your victim its another reason to kick your ass. But, because they love you they say nothing, but like I said I 'm here for the truth and the truth hurts. So word of wisdom just stay out their face for a while or you might end up meeting kujo in a bar. Who's Kujo??? That's the contract killer sent to get you!
September 23- October 22

Your sarcasm is not appreciated. At least that's what everyone else says. I say keep on keeping on! Being that I'm overly sarcastic myself I recognize those in my field. But don't get too happy I'm still here to give you the truth not to be your friend. Stop thinking your too good for anybody cause the truth is with all your self-faults you're not good enough. Maybe if your learned to accept the unfamiliar instead of sending it away, you wouldn't spend so much time by yourself thinking why you are alone all the time. And another thing it's always good to love your self, just don't fall in-love with yourself. Get the point!!
October 23- November 21

Well, Well, Well I think all you Scorpio's know what I have to tell you. When are u going to stop being so moody. Enough already!!! 0h and another thing the paranoia isn't one of your best attributes. You are in serious need of a self-reconstruction. What you need to do is try lightening up for a change. Try being yourself and stop worrying about the fate of the world all the time. I guess no one has told you yet but living from day to day seems to be working for everyone else.
November 22- December 21

HUH???? What did you say? Exactly my point, Speak up! No one can hear and they definitely wont respect you if you don't talk. Unless you start to exercise your voice box u will continue to be mute to the world. Sometimes it okay to let loose and fly by your seat. Understand? Be spontaneous. Stop being such a drag. If no one wants to hang out with you its not because they don't like you, but because you're boring.
December 22- January 19

Stop spending all your time worrying about love and focus on what's important. By the way, what's important? You don't know do you? That's because you haven't given yourself anytime to think about what's important. You spend most your time trying to keep up with your friends. Stay your ass home sometimes! Maybe if you actually contributed some time to yourself you wouldn't be so screwed up now.
January 20- February 18

You people lllllllloooooooovvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeee the spotlight. Here's some news. The spotlight doesn't love you. In fact most people don't like you, but they'll never say that to your face. If you stop trying to be everyone's friend by doing and saying what they want to hear maybe you'd have a lot more friends. Be yourself. It pisses me off when people are fake. So if you ever make my acquaintance, be real. 'cause if you don't it won't be too long before I walk away!

February 19- March 20

Last but not Least! Pisces are what I consider great bull**** artist. Not better than Capricorns but close enough. You Pisces con your way through everything. You even con your way through conning. Did it ever occur to you that if you were honest once in your life maybe you wouldn't be in the crap you're in now. I offer you this helpful advice; try doing something positive in your life, something you can be proud of. All of this dishonesty and sneakiness will lead you nowhere but jail!!! Don't drop the soap!!!!


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