BIASES: mid 20s black male; frustrated screenwriter who favors action, comedy, and glossy, big budget movies over indie flicks, kiddie flicks, and weepy Merchant Ivory fare

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ZOOLANDER
MOVIE BIASES: Ben Stiller's cool but his concept is red hot. But can a comedy sketch sustain a movie?
MAJOR PLAYERS: Actor, writer, producer, director Ben Stiller (Meet the Parents), Owen Wilson (Shanghai Noon), Christine Taylor (Brady Bunch Movie), and Will Ferrell (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back).

The tagline goes "Three percent body fat. One percent brain activity." One percent brain activity may be giving "Zoolander" too much credit. A movie that is intelligent in its mindlessness, skewering just about every inside and outside joke there is to male modeling, "Zoolander" is ninety-five percent wack-free.

With price increases for Malaysian child laborers threatening to disrupt the fashion world mafia's profits, topline designer Mugatu (Ferrell) is dispatched to employ an assassin to take out the prime minister of Malaysia. His instructions are to brainwash someone "vain, stupid, incredibly self-centered," "extremely dimwitted," and "an empty vessel." Three time male model of the year Derek Zoolander (Stiller) is just such an empty vessel. Unseated from a fourth model of the year award by the surfer dude-granola type-blond ambition-esque "he's so hot right now!" model Hansel (Wilson), Derek is at a career crossroads, questioning if there truly is something more important to life than being "extremely, ridiculously good-looking." While a Time magazine expose' by ambitious reporter Matilda Jeffries (Taylor) humiliates Zoolander, she joins forces with him to stop Mugatu from unleashing his diabolical plan.

No need to insert mechanical laughter here. Despite its parody nature, everyone plays Zoolander straight - for laughs. Owen Wilson's Hansel is hysterically carefree, a modestly handsome waste of space in an entirely different way from Zoolander. Jerry Stiller (Ben's dad) is effective as Zoolander's prostate-challenged manager while Will Ferrell, AGAIN, turns in a humorous performance, this time as the lisping, curly-locked, androgynous Mugatu. Ferrell's mixture of fey, fear, and ferocity make for a ridiculous brew of physical and vocal comedy. While I've never been a fan of Milla Jovovich (overrated model-actress), she has finally found her calling as a pouty-lipped Russian model who, of course, looks like she's into some serious S&M. Christine Taylor (Ben's wife) is fine as the straight-laced, JC Penney's-wearing journalist, our proverbial straight man throughout. The rest of the movie is a veritable cameo-fest, featuring everyone from a silent Vince Vaughn to model Tyson Beckford.

But this is Ben's show. Doing everything but driving the craft service truck, Stiller is in complete comedic command here, from acting as the titular character down to the trippy, yet professionally brisk, energetic direction of the movie. Stiller's Zoolander is so earnestly daft he would spell daft "D-A-P-H-T" - and then expect you to sleep with him. His facial expressions are so outrageous, Stiller's Zoolander has named them (funny thing is that they're all the same look). Zoolander, despite his newfound career insecurity, is so ensconced in this clueless, orange mochaccino of a male model world that his biggest life challenge is his inability to turn left on a catwalk. And once you buy into Stiller's breathy, cheek-sucking, spiky-haired performance as Zoolander, the ride becomes remarkably fun and fresh. I mean, who else but Zoolander would engage in a runway "walk off" instead of a fistfight?

The movie loses a little steam in the second act - the price you pay for extending a six minute comedy sketch into a ninety minute movie - but one can amuse themselves with cameo hunting and such idiocies as Derek's trashing a model of the proposed Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good ("A center for ants! How can they learn to read if they can't even fit inside the BUILDING!"). A lusciously lightweight movie during heavy times, "Zoolander" may be 3% body fat, but it is 100% funny material.

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