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Movies |
Review |
 Ballistic:
Ecks vs .Sever |
First,
Mr. Banderas, the slickback hair with the gruffy beard
is not going to start any new trends ANYtime soon, buddy.
Let the look go and then turn away from it. Now, Ms.
Liu we know you look very pretty and all but could you
have started talking a little bit earlier than halfway
through the movie. At least to wake us up or explain
what the HELL the plot was about. Action: good, Plot:
bad, really really bad. |
 Ghost
Ship |
Websters
Unabridged Dictionary defines the word "bad"
as: defective in quality, below standard, lacking in
worth and inadequate. Warner Brothers latest edition
to the horror movie franchise, Ghost Ship, manages to
excel in all of these qualities. The movie marks the
first leading role for TV’s Julianna Margulies.
Making her way from the hectic trauma room of the award
winning E.R. to the silver screen might have been a
journey best not taken. Lack of story and budget propelled
this flick to B movie status. One has more of a chance
of being entertained by Bush’s budget speech rather
than this film. I’m afraid it's back to scrubs
and booties for this once TV nurse. |
 Transporter |
If
you are one out of the three people who walked in this
movie expecting a story, you, like everyone else, transported
yourself to a better movie. Clearly this movie’s
budget was concentrated solely on the action scenes,
but even this wasn’t enough to salvage this car
wreck. The story? WHAT STORY! The sheer mention of this
movie causes one to go into cinematic shock. |
|
The
Adventures of Pluto Nash/Showtime/I-Spy |
Eddie
Murphy what exactly were you thinking? I can understand
one bad movie a year, but THREE??? Why is it when you
make a bad movie you look embarrassed to be in it? (Sigh)
Please let your next few movies make up for this, and
don’t let it be another Dr. Doolittle or Nutty
Professor movie, PUH-LEEZE! |
 Jason
X |
Hmmmm, 10 movies and this bastard is still alive, and
YET he's teaming up with Freddy in the upcoming flop
Freddy vs. Jason, ugh, what the heck can I say about
this movie... I know, die, Jason, die, please!!! |
 Reign
of Fire |
I
don’t remember the last time I fell asleep during
an action movie. Fire breathing dragons and sharp axes
could not even keep up my excitement level, much less
my consciousness. Quite possibly the most pointless
movie of 2002, Reign of Fire excels in one thing—putting
one to sleep in a matter of minutes. From a horrible
script, to poor casting, Reign of Fire had more blatant
flaws than carnivorous dragons roaming through the sky.
|
 Enough |
Enough
is enough. J. Lo please go back to singing, no wait,
go back to the Fly Girls. |
 They |
Hmmm. Since Wes Craven had absolutely nothing to do
with this movie then I guess I should have suspected
what I originally thought: this movie was gonna suck.
I won't lie, this movie had me jumping like a kernel
of corn in a hot oiled pan. The scares were good and
strong, but the plot, sheesh, was horrible. One thing,
if you ride your bike everyday why do ya run like you
have one leg? I mean, come on. |
 Queen
of the Damned |
First
of all, many, many repects to the late Aaliyah (she
will truly be missed). NOW, this movie was a horrible,
HORRIBLE sequel to a great movie, An Interview With
A Vampire. I don't think I can say this phrase enough,
but WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?? Was this suppose to be
some sort of rock opera or something (wait let me breathe)...
it's like post-cinematic syndrome. I... I really don't
know what to say, except DAMN can I get my money back?! |
 Scorpion
King |
What
can one say about the Scorpion King. Big budget, beautifully
manufactured Hollywood backdrop, scantly dressed females,
and of course the peoples champ, the Rock. Coupled with
a1000 dollar hair extension and enough body gel to power
Indonesia, the spin-off of the Mummy, delves into the
tale of the Scorpion King and his rise to Power. 2 minutes
into the movie, and your back in your living room sipping
a fruit drink watching Kevin Sorbo fight Hera and her
evil minions. The movies questionable story line and
high end action sequences is enough to keep you awake,
but whether if it will keep your attention or not is
another story. Like TV’s Hercules, the Scorpion
King leaves you looking for the remote. |
(Click for Harlemlive's Picks for Top
Movies of 2003)
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