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arts-culture/reviews
Date Posted:
1/17/03


The Worst Movies of 2002
By: Justin Young, Lamont Sparrow and Jonathan Kui


Movies
Review
Ballistic: Ecks vs .Sever First, Mr. Banderas, the slickback hair with the gruffy beard is not going to start any new trends ANYtime soon, buddy. Let the look go and then turn away from it. Now, Ms. Liu we know you look very pretty and all but could you have started talking a little bit earlier than halfway through the movie. At least to wake us up or explain what the HELL the plot was about. Action: good, Plot: bad, really really bad.
Ghost Ship Websters Unabridged Dictionary defines the word "bad" as: defective in quality, below standard, lacking in worth and inadequate. Warner Brothers latest edition to the horror movie franchise, Ghost Ship, manages to excel in all of these qualities. The movie marks the first leading role for TV’s Julianna Margulies. Making her way from the hectic trauma room of the award winning E.R. to the silver screen might have been a journey best not taken. Lack of story and budget propelled this flick to B movie status. One has more of a chance of being entertained by Bush’s budget speech rather than this film. I’m afraid it's back to scrubs and booties for this once TV nurse.
Transporter If you are one out of the three people who walked in this movie expecting a story, you, like everyone else, transported yourself to a better movie. Clearly this movie’s budget was concentrated solely on the action scenes, but even this wasn’t enough to salvage this car wreck. The story? WHAT STORY! The sheer mention of this movie causes one to go into cinematic shock.
The Adventures of Pluto Nash/Showtime/I-Spy
Eddie Murphy what exactly were you thinking? I can understand one bad movie a year, but THREE??? Why is it when you make a bad movie you look embarrassed to be in it? (Sigh) Please let your next few movies make up for this, and don’t let it be another Dr. Doolittle or Nutty Professor movie, PUH-LEEZE!
Jason X Hmmmm, 10 movies and this bastard is still alive, and YET he's teaming up with Freddy in the upcoming flop Freddy vs. Jason, ugh, what the heck can I say about this movie... I know, die, Jason, die, please!!!
Reign of Fire I don’t remember the last time I fell asleep during an action movie. Fire breathing dragons and sharp axes could not even keep up my excitement level, much less my consciousness. Quite possibly the most pointless movie of 2002, Reign of Fire excels in one thing—putting one to sleep in a matter of minutes. From a horrible script, to poor casting, Reign of Fire had more blatant flaws than carnivorous dragons roaming through the sky.
Enough Enough is enough. J. Lo please go back to singing, no wait, go back to the Fly Girls.
They Hmmm. Since Wes Craven had absolutely nothing to do with this movie then I guess I should have suspected what I originally thought: this movie was gonna suck. I won't lie, this movie had me jumping like a kernel of corn in a hot oiled pan. The scares were good and strong, but the plot, sheesh, was horrible. One thing, if you ride your bike everyday why do ya run like you have one leg? I mean, come on.
Queen of the Damned First of all, many, many repects to the late Aaliyah (she will truly be missed). NOW, this movie was a horrible, HORRIBLE sequel to a great movie, An Interview With A Vampire. I don't think I can say this phrase enough, but WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?? Was this suppose to be some sort of rock opera or something (wait let me breathe)... it's like post-cinematic syndrome. I... I really don't know what to say, except DAMN can I get my money back?!
Scorpion King What can one say about the Scorpion King. Big budget, beautifully manufactured Hollywood backdrop, scantly dressed females, and of course the peoples champ, the Rock. Coupled with a1000 dollar hair extension and enough body gel to power Indonesia, the spin-off of the Mummy, delves into the tale of the Scorpion King and his rise to Power. 2 minutes into the movie, and your back in your living room sipping a fruit drink watching Kevin Sorbo fight Hera and her evil minions. The movies questionable story line and high end action sequences is enough to keep you awake, but whether if it will keep your attention or not is another story. Like TV’s Hercules, the Scorpion King leaves you looking for the remote.


(Click for Harlemlive's Picks for Top Movies of 2003)

 

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